Real Answers From Real Ministers' Wives

The Role of a Pastor's Wife

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Q. Okay..... So I'm sure many of you have been asked this question in your interview: "What would you say your role is as a pastor's wife?" What kinds of answers has everyone given? -davick92

I agree that being a pastor's wife is automatically different than being a "regular" church member. Any politician's wife will be sized-up often, because the politician's job requires being in the spotlight and being assessed on "performance" pretty much during all waking hours. That extends to what his marriage is or isn't. It's not much different than the life of a pastor and his spouse, except for the worldly aspects.

That said... I'm not totally at peace about it, even after 13 years of being a pastor's wife. I'm a privacy-loving woman at heart, and said "yes" to my husband's marriage proposal without any clue of what to expect. But God finds a way to use anyone who comes before Him to build up His churches.

One more thing: raising a whole family is full-time ministry. I don't think any Christian woman should feel guilty if she doesn't feel called to do something extra to that...including the pastor's wife. -Anonymous Pastor's Wife

I feel God has called me to be an accountant and He has called me to be a wife to my husband. I am not on the church's payroll. I consider myself a member of the church and participate in ways I would as a member of any church, pastor's wife or not. (Granted this means I help with the music, youth, teach Sunday School, sometimes accompany my husband on visits, etc.)

I do not feel called as a pastor. That is my husband's calling. Are some pastors' wives called to pastor? I believe so. I also feel some are not and that is fine. As long as we are all living for Christ, showing that with our lives, and responding to our individual calling.

I believe all of us as Christians have a calling to be like Christ. Therefore, how I strive to live my life should be no different than any other Christian. Do I ask myself sometimes "as a pastor's wife should I do this?" Yes. But I hope that if I were not a pastor's wife that I would ask myself, "As a Christian should I do this?"

I don't necessarily "hide behind" my husband. I am gifted in administration and help organize and lead things. Currently, I act in the role of youth minister, although I don't call myself that. I submit/serve my husband as he serves me. I am careful in how I act and what I share--but I also let people know I'm human. Sometimes I do not help in things because I don't want the church to think my husband and I are taking over everything.

Again, my belief is we all look to Christ (pastor, pastor's wife, or member) to model our lives and follow His calling for our lives. I believe He doesn't call the equipped but equips the called, and I'm open to what HE wants in my life. For some, that may mean preaching, pastoring, teaching, serving behind the scenes, loving, serving outside the church, etc.


The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is: "My role is to support my husband in his ministry by praying for him and helping him out wherever he needs me." Does that sound sufficient? -davick92

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